Let me introduce myself
I've been working in tech since 1999. I started with a passion for graphic design, growing my career one experience at a time, striving to learn, contribute, and build great things—and I did! I learned a great deal, taught myself a lot, and had fun with many excellent people.
I fell into leadership early, learned through the school of hard knocks, and then through guided mentorship what makes a truly great leader. (Hint, it’s not micromanaging or command & control).
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I met my husband in my 20s; he was mid-divorce and had a baby, and I learned how to be a stepmom young. In my 30s my husband and I tried, then finally started a family and across my 30s and 40s we’ve encountered so many challenges life can throw at us: Raising autistic and neurodivergent sons, my husbands STEMI heart attack at 49, my stepson’s coming out as trans, suicide attempt, and transition (female, to male) at 17 years old, surfacing trauma and learning about codependence from my upbringing by a parent with Narcissistic personality disorder - followed by my decision to go no-contact with my mother for the psychological safety of myself and my family.
Life brings us challenges that we can’t always predict - the one thing I’ve learned from life so far is we humans are so darned resourceful and resilient - but sometimes we need help seeing that. I’ve been down in my darkness several times, personally and professionally. I can remember times when I was a young child feeling very alone, and the same feeling returns as an adult in different forms. I’ve at times spent more time there on my own before seeking help, thinking that I don’t need support, there’s nothing that can be done, or worse - I’m too strong or not smart enough for help (red flag for those of us raised by narcissists!)
Let me tell you - we are all good enough for support.
… if our intuition, our inner heart, is telling us that we need something - be it guidance, nourishment, the “missing piece,” or just a friendly presence - we deserve the support. In any form, at any time.
Tools that I’ve found helpful
It’s always been hard for me to accept help, and frankly, I wish I’d had someone in my life to help guide me through tough times, to lend an ear, to use their experience and advice as a buoy when I needed it. I have an amazing husband and siblings, and they’ve helped me a lot, but sadly, my parents and extended family haven’t been engaged, not in a way that’s meaningful. The times when you need someone to truly actively listen to you, to hear what you need, to get to know you on a deep level, so they can help you. Being able to benefit from the wisdom of someone much older than your contemporaries, I’m jealous of friends who have that in a parent or relative.
Fortunately, I’ve found some great tools, and my passion is to be that supportive guide for others. I’m sharing things that I’ve found to be helpful in my journey and how they are meaningful to me, but everyone is unique, and what worked for me may not work for everyone. The true tools are active listening, empathy, and perspective.
If you’re interested in working together to find your path, please connect with me.
Meditation & HIIT
In 2016, two major life events happened: My stepson attempted to take his life after coming out to his mother, and getting kicked out of her house (wtf, who does that to their child!?) And my husband had a major heart attack two weeks later - not related events. All this while raising a toddler and a 4-year-old. I was the rock for my stepson, my husband, and our two young children. I visited my stepson in the psych ward, established a care team for him, and attended weekly group therapy sessions for a few months. The day after Ed came so close to death with his heart attack, I hit the stop button on my job (oh, and I’m the one who earns in our family; Ed’s a stay-at-home father.) I finally listened to my inner voice and put work on hold. When I returned, I was still helping Ed recover. When your heart stops, your brain is deprived of oxygen, so the impact on cognitive and physical function is significant. This was on top of his pre-existing mental health issues that have yet to be diagnosed.
One day, I realized that I needed to take better care of myself: I signed up for Orange Theory and Headspace in the same week. I woke at 4:30 am to squeeze in 5 am workouts 3 days a week, and meditated on my BART ride to the office in SF every day for 15 minutes. Both were life-changing, but the durability of the meditation was astounding - I had people telling me that I carried a focus and intention with me that they’d never seen in me before. Meditation was my daily reset button, and high-intensity workouts helped me lose baby weight, think more clearly, and have sustained energy.
I simply couldn’t have survived without them.
Professional Coaching
My first role as a UX Director at a Fortune 500 (Gap, Inc. - same company as above ☝️) - I had been a director for over 10 years, and I’d hit a glass ceiling. I raised my hand for a coaching pilot with a company called Pluma and was assigned the amazing Dina Denham Smith. This was my first experience with a professional coach, and it was so frustrating, but also life-changing. I thought she was going to tell me what to do. But that’s not the role of a coach - their role is to use tools that empower their clients to gain shifts in perspective. By learning about me and how I’m thinking about myself and my career, she was able to guide me in how to think about what I want and how I would get there. With her support, I defined a strategy that was dear to me, I influenced partners, gained alignment, launched the thing, grew a team to scale it, and left. I was done there and on to greener pastures where I could spread my wings wider.
My next role was in a true tech company, Dropbox. After realizing I needed to leave Gap, Inc. after 7 years, a colleague referred me, and I fell into a role as a UX Director in a company where I was then informed that my level was akin to a VP at many other companies. No pressure. I was a quick learner, but it took time to elevate myself to that of an executive. I was paired with partners at the VP and GM level, and given an executive assistant - I truly didn’t know what I’d stepped into. But the opportunity I sought was there to learn how to influence strategy. The problem is, I was asked to do this and given a fantastic chance when my business partner dropped the ball, but I hadn’t a clue how to do it. My GM was an awesome mentor and partner, but I needed more. So I asked for a coach again and was matched with the superb Tara Collison to get guidance on how to navigate this new era in my life. It worked; together with my partners, I drafted a compelling strategy for my area that ended up driving the product strategy for Dropbox for the following 3 years.
Yoga
When things began to get stressful, I realized that I was again at an impasse where I needed solace, in a new form. I started doing yoga at my local studio every Sunday. It’s a 75-minute vinyasa and meditation class and has been my weekly “reset” since 2018. Did I have mommy guilt leaving my kids every Sunday morning at 9:15? Yes, do I still? YES. Is it necessary space I need as a working mother, spouse, and caretaker? You bet. I still go to this day and am beginning to train as a teacher next week. The power of mindfulness + physical embodiment cannot be underestimated.
Therapy
As I entered my early 40’s I began to see patterns in my life, my mental model, how I am inclined to caretake, people pleasing, difficulty defining boundaries (never mind holding them). These patterns started to emerge in my daily life, personally and professionally, so I sought help. This was not the first time I’ve worked with a therapist, but it was the most impactful. Working with this new therapist, I’d uncovered truths connected to the patterns rooted in my upbringing. I learned about codependence, enmeshment, and how it affects children of parents who were emotionally abused as children. This was a massive unlock for me in that I now understand why I think the way I do.
Also, I wish I’d sought a therapist years ago when struggling to take care of my stepson and husband.
Ketamine
I was introduced to Ketamine therapy by a colleague and dear friend in 2024. Having “done the work” through talk therapy, I found myself at a crossroads; I understood the “why” but needed to find a tactical way to meaningfully change the formed neural pathways in my brain to avoid certain situations and words triggering my trauma and throwing my mind into a tailspin. At the time of this writing, I’ve completed 11 Ketamine sessions with Mindbloom. I work with a medically trained clinician to prescribe the right dose, and a guide helps me establish my intention and unpack what comes forward in each session. I’ve begun to fundamentally change how my brain is wired and, like when I began meditation, people in my life note, unprompted, that “my energy is totally different.”
When I wish I’d asked for support
Trying to conceive
My husband and I tried for 3 years to conceive our first son. Turns out I was letting my job stress me out, and all it took was to go on vacation and put my company phone in the safe, to be replaced with copious drinks and beach time, for a week in Jamaica, to conceive. My body was telling me something - I needed to put life in perspective and balance things out. I wish someone had shown me meditation, yoga, and pilates at this point.
Navigating a high-risk pregnancy
I finally conceived, only to find in week 18 that it was a high-risk pregnancy - I had an emergent cerclage and was on bed rest through the end of my pregnancy. I lay in bed, getting larger by the day, leading a team of fifteen designers, researchers, and copywriters as Head of UX at a Fortune 500 for 4 months until maternity leave, with the occasional box of Oreos next to me.
My husband Ed is a saint - he served me hand and foot and took such amazing care of me, including 45-minute drives into Boston’s Brigham and Women’s bi-weekly. We didn’t have any help; no family nearby helped, no friends dropped in or offered to cook, nothing. Nothing.
My muscles atrophied. so. quickly. Changing a diaper after birth… not fun. It took until my son was 3 years old and for me to go to HIIT classes at 5 am 3 times a week to get back in shape 5 years after bed rest. My mother rightfully noted that they should have assigned a physical therapist to work out my muscles from bed, but I didn’t follow that advice.
I was unable to cook nutritious food - I was allowed to shower, use the restroom, and go back to bed. Period. We tried to eat healthy, but I didn’t know the true impact of nutrition at the mitochondrial level, and was frankly overwhelmed with the whole thing.
I would have benefited from: Meditation, light yoga or movement from my bed, a therapist or guide, and help getting nutritious food. We just pushed through because that’s what we were taught to do in life.
Navigating growth as an executive
Shortly after delivering the Dropbox strategy, the company went through a reorg, and my role grew significantly. I was given an org 5 times larger than the previous one, with a leadership two layers of leadership reporting up to me, and massive responsibility (85% of the company’s revenue came from my team). I was overwhelmed; my leader was at times supporting me, but also pushing me to grow, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.
None of the tools I’d used in my career worked for this predicament. Despite my working with Tara on how to cope in this stressful environment, I didn’t tell her when I’d been approached by another company, interviewed, and accepted the offer as VP of Design at a pre-IPO startup, despite red flags in the interview process. That was a mistake - I wasn’t sure what to share with her because my company paid her fees, but I soon learned that she’s there for me, not my company.
I wish I’d let her in to guide me.
Truths about humankind
We say we care for one another, but actions speak louder than words.
I’ve helped family - my husband’s siblings have needed help at times, and I gladly offered what I had because they were struggling, because you take care of your own. After all, I don’t want to live in a world where we don’t share resources with the people around us, especially the ones we love. Yet, I’ve been criticised for being so giving (“naive or weak”), for opening my home, for being there when they didn’t have anyone to look out for them. Shame on humankind, shame on my community.
I support my partner through challenges that are difficult for others to understand, because that’s what we do for our partners. He’s been failed by our terrible healthcare system, with many expensive tests that have yet to diagnose his physical problems, and ignore the fact that mental problems make it difficult to bring forth the executive function needed to navigate the US healthcare system.
I believe in “live and let live.”
I believe in building community so we are never standing alone.
I believe in valuing each individual as unique, worthy of love and respect.
This is why I coach, why I help people to unpack what’s going on in their lives across work, life, health, all the things… so we can each feel seen, heard, and supported. Everyone deserves to live a fulfilled life, and I help people craft the life that aligns with their values so that harmony is with them every day.